After the Beloved Retreat
Religious conviction is something I'll admit I have never possessed. Don't worry the irony of the fact that I seem to write exclusively for the 'Faith' section on this site isn't lost on me. It's not that I don't want to have conviction or that I'm shutting down to the advances of people who are willing to help me, it's just at every obstacle I've been given in life I've turned further and further away as opposed to finding comfort in my convictions.
I grew up in a family where my parents could not have displayed their love of God in any more of a positive light, this love was mirrored in the love my grandparents showed for their God, their Church and their beliefs. It was always something that absolutely baffled me, why? Why would you believe in something so strongly when you've no 'proof', no tangible evidence? And inevitably these questions and my own disbelief pushed me so far away from what I'd been brought up to believe in that, to be honest, I couldn't be bothered trying to find it again.
I'm writing this post while on day one of The Beloved Retreat and I'm sitting here having been blown away by the honesty, the frankness and the genuine love and conviction that has been on display here so far. The women here have really opened up and shared stories that you would never hear in casual conversation and honestly it's so encouraging. I wish I could bottle this energy and share it with the world. From one prompt question, a discussion has been opened that really I think it's important for everyone to have with someone at some point in their lives. Why? Why do you believe what you do? What does this mean in your every day life? An open discussion about this in the secular world we live in is so healthy! It's cleansing, it's like a weight lifted off your shoulders. It's ok to say that you don't have Faith, but you're looking for something. That's what it's all about, conversation. I might not possess any particular Faith or conviction at the moment, but from talking to the women on this retreat, the fire has been rekindled to find one.
How am I going to do that? I ask myself as I sit here with my cuppa in hand. Do I actually want to? These are all questions we've to answer honestly before we start on any journey. How do I expect to gain conviction if I'm not even convinced to try? Finding your own motivation is the biggest step. Am I doing this for me, or am I doing this for everyone else who seems to think that it's a good idea? Or, am I not doing this because someone in my life isn't supporting me? Will it make a relationship difficult? One tough question is, is it worth it? Can you truly be happy if someone won't let you be yourself and grow and change, which as humans we are made to do? Relationships are meant to change and grow with the people that are in them, just keep that in mind as you begin whatever journey you're on. The next question, who do I talk to? ANYONE! From any Faith and belief system, I'm a firm believer in the fact that you can't make a decision consciously unless you're in possession of as many facts as possible, talk to people you feel comfortable around, sit in on prayer services, ask someone you feel comfortable sharing with. Find books, podcasts and websites, get informed. If something appeals to you, go for it, witness their type of worship, remember, to have conviction you must believe. To have conviction you must be firmly tethered to your beliefs, not flippant and as changeable as Irish weather.
If you're already in possession of this conviction, share it! Don't be afraid, there's someone out there who needs to hear what you have to say. Even over a coffee or something as simple as showing through your daily actions, as you already do, how happy your conviction makes you.
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Anonymous, just this once! :)