Books as friends
I’ve been thinking about books a lot recently, and reading them, and attempting to write one. But more on that later.
Why is it that we gravitate towards stories? Real, made up, possible, historic, fantastic….is reading just an escape as some people may say? A way of avoiding reality because life is just too hard?
Or is reading a portal, a window, with which to reframe our perspective in order to engage with life in a more meaningful, deeper, and in fact, more real way.
I referenced in another blog post a professor mentor who had a big influence on me. Marshall Gregory grew up in very difficult circumstances, suffering physical and emotional abuse and negligence from his “child parents” who projected their own lack of control or stability in their life onto his upbringing. Looking back over his life and trying to make sense of it, Gregory comments:
I have never ceased to marvel at the way human beings everywhere and in all times employ stories for that supplemental education about human motives, human types, human experience, and human options that none of us lives long enough to acquire by first-hand experience…
I discovered that learning about ideas is like acquiring an immense extended family whose relations are troubled and contradictory but who are always prepared to help you understand or do anything you desire. Within this extended family there are feuds and fights, competing points of view, and varying theories about everything-life, nature, sex, how to spend your money, religion, good and evil, how to find your way around mid-town Manhattan-but the extended family of ideas also offers support for all pursuits of interpretation and meaning, offers content to make understanding more robust and vivid, and offers clues about what values to embrace and reject on the journey to creating a life that is intellectually perspicuous, socially responsible, personally enriched, and morally defensible…
I believe that human beings are interested in each other's stories because we cannot triangulate our own position on the ocean of potentialities without knowing what courses are being tracked by others. As we read or listen to others' stories we check out the human condition and compare the choices and accidents of our lives with the choices and accidents of other people's lives. Such comparisons show us not only the range of human types, but show us how other people feel, what they think, how they react, and what they want. Learning about the lives of others offers a fundamental education in both human nature and in the human condition. Gregory, Junk-Yard Ride, 2009. Reference.
I did not have the type of childhood that Marshall Gregory had and am fortunate in saying that I experienced unconditional love and support growing up and was given the freedom to grow into the person I wanted to be. That being said, our lives, happy or unhappy as they are, are not enough to educate our intellect, emotions, and desires about the intricacies of the human condition. Books extend our lives, personal connections, and understanding of motivation and perspectives.
I want to introduce some of my “friends” to you, knowing that as friendship is particular, you may not respond in the same way. But I hope you can discover your own friends along the way, ones that you can return to at different moments and who teach you a little more about who you are and what you want.
“Girlfriends”: Books that have taught me about my heart as a woman:
Warning- these three are big time investments! Rich in detail, all three feature women who must choose the life they want, and ultimately accept the choice they’ve made. Set in British Columbia (Canada), Russia, and Norway, these three showcase that love and femininity transcends time and place.
Strangers and Sojourners by Michael D. O’Brien
Kristin Lavransdatter by Sigrid Undset
A lighter read but still deeply insightful is A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith.
“DMC Friends”: Books about identity and choices:
A story where I learned as a 12 year old that everyone rehearses conversations in their head; thinks, rethinks, and overthinks; and too desperately care what others think of them.
Three generations of Chinese women- Grandmother, Mother, and Daughter- who live through the changes from rigid patriarchal social norms to Communism to freedom. A love song to China.
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte.
Worth re-reading if you’ve only read it for the Leaving Cert. Let Jane influence you and remind you that convictions, choices, and longings all rage within our souls.
The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom.
An incredible true story of a Dutch family’s decision to hide Jewish people in their house during World War II and their subsequent arrest and imprisonment in Auschwitz.
“Road Trip Friends”: Books so well written that they remind us that life, even when desperately difficult, is still beautiful:
Peace Like a River by Leif Enger.
Give yourself time to get into this one. Reuben and Swede are characters who will grab hold of you the way that Scout and Jem do from To Kill a Mockingbird.
The Whistling Season by Ivan Doig.
A simple story, but by simple I don’t mean naïve. A world that you want to spend time in with lovable characters. If you’ve never read anything that showcases the American West, this is worth starting with.
When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi.
What does it mean it mean to be human? To be alive? A literature graduate turned neurosurgeon explores these questions in his medical work until he becomes his own study of mortality.
“Lighthearted Friends”: Books I want around when I am sick:
The Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling
James Herriot’s 5 books from his All Creatures Great and Small series
“Childhood Friends”: Books that marked me in some way growing up and form my childhood memories:
When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit by Judith Kerr
We (hopefully) build more friendships as we grow up and I know that going forward, I will only continue to add to my collection of books as friends.