The age of influence
Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash
Growing up, an “influence” was used in a very negative way in my surrounding circle. I was usually told, “Lauren, so and so isn’t a good influence on you” or “you are not having a good influence on your sister.” Today, being an influencer can be a career path. It’s not necessarily a negative concept, but it can be negative and/or dangerous when driven by the wrong motives. We are influenced every day and we do influence every day whether we are aware or not.
However, the reason we are currently in this epoch known as the age of influence is the genesis of the internet and more specifically, social media. It’s a part of our lives whether we choose to participate on the platforms or not. Social media entered this world very fast and has not only taken over as a communication method but has taken over as a marketing technique, an opportunity to self-brand yourself in whatever way your heart desires. You can be real, you can definitely be fake, and you can mix it up whenever you feel like it. But with this freedom comes a cost, and it can be disruptive and reckless for the process of discovering who you are.
Who do I allow in?
One of the more serious aspects of social media is the power it gives people to influence. Not only financially, but much deeper (and in some cases more powerful) than that. Some people have an influence over your day, your mood, and your beliefs. They may deserve to, they have earned your trust, show they really care for you, and that they want the best for you. However, some people let others have influence over their day, mood, beliefs, etc when they don’t deserve it. Ethical forms of influence consist of choice, free will, and conscience. Non-ethical forms of influence consist of power and control.
We’re all influenced at different stages of our life by different people, especially online. Maybe it is what they have accomplished, “who they are” (from what you can see externally) among many other reasons. You follow their daily lives, accomplishments, failures, and advice, and you may desire what you see. But, you are following what they show you. They are in complete control of what you see, what your impression of them is, what they say and do, and especially what they want you to do. Letting someone in relies on trust and usually with social media influencers, you wouldn’t have that.
Of course, social media is a fantastic opportunity to share and influence in a positive way, however, when we use the platforms, we are not only being influenced, we also have the opportunity to influence.
Although these influences online can change us in different ways for the good, they can also pose problems. Once we are pretty hooked on someone's account, it is possible for us to start questioning our own values, judgements, beliefs, pathways, etc that don’t align with theirs. Firstly, we need to stop and think about why we are allowing this person to have so much power over what I believe, or shape the way I see people, success, failure, values, and even more concerning, myself. Ask yourself, are you allowing this to seem normal? Is it to be relatable? Is it for a sense of comfort? I have so many good influences in my life, and yet some random CEO of some random company has posted a 30-second reel of advice and has received my full attention and it is stuck in my head. Why? Because I just saw how you can become successful in 30 seconds! Easy! Words are powerful and can sway a person with very little ease. However, that CEO was an influence on me only because I allowed them to be.
Taking control
The way each one of us is raised has a lot to do with how we approach influences later in life, one can be shown proof of something later in life and still find it hard to overcome or give in to, simply because they were raised another way and it’s hard to change 18 years of a belief system. The opposite can apply too. A moment in which truth is revealed to you can be a shock and can cause a wound which makes it hard for you to trust again. Even with all the proof, the original belief sticks because of that influence and how much you allowed that influence to consume you and shape your thoughts over a period of time. A question to ask ourselves if and when we reach these points is “why have I given them permission to have such an influence in my life?” because chances are that they don’t deserve it, nor did they even ask for it. Everyone has influence over someone. Leadership itself is the most obvious form of influence. You are leading others by example whether it’s in your family, on a trip, in your job/college, or online. Asking yourself in this position “how am I influencing them and where am I leading them to?” is a great way of controlling the value of your influence on others.
When you look at those that influence you on social media or in person, what is the difference? For me, the people that influence me whom I know in person, I generally know very well, I trust them, they have my best interests at heart and I do theirs. I value and respect their advice, opinions, and thoughts whether I agree with them or not. But I know them. The people who I follow online, I do not know personally. I don’t necessarily always know their upbringing, their educational background, or their moral background. So it might be a good idea to vet those that we are allowing to influence us! You might research who they are. Their educational background, their values, if they are influencing for money, and if what they say has a purpose for humanity among many other possible questions. We must also critically evaluate what they preach. Bring up topics with those you trust, get different opinions and advice, listen to all perspectives, and make the decision based on your own thoughts.
When you go to buy a self-help book, do you ask questions like how educated they are in that area of research? What is their background like? Does it fall in line with your own values? Maybe something will come up when you're sitting with your friends/colleagues at lunchtime and you have a very different opinion from them, but you tell yourself to stay quiet so as not to look different. Maybe it’s a friend on social media that isn’t helping you stay true to yourself and your beliefs. You don’t have to unfollow them, but you can mute them so that their content doesn’t appear when you are scrolling. We have to be aware of what influences we allow into our lives and how we influence others. The belief in someone because of their intelligence or interesting ideas is not enough and never should be enough.
Why do all of this?
To take care of yourself, your mind, your mental health, and your physical well-being. Balance in life is key, so if I feel as though I am spending too much time on something, I need to sit down and reflect on:
1. How much influence does it have on my life?
2. How much influence should it have on my life?