Formality in your prayer
If we are struggling in our prayer life or we simply don’t know where to begin, it can be hard to know what would help to kick-start our life of prayer.
Recently I revisited this video clip from the film Meet the Fockers. Gaylord 'Greg' Focker (Ben Stiller) meets his girlfriend's parents before proposing, and is asked to say grace at the dinner table. It’s such a brilliant clip and if you have you time, worth watching.
To love thee more dearly , to see thee more clearly, to follow thee more nearly, day by day, by day, ….
Most likely, none of us actually pray like this, but we can end up being somewhat superficial and distant in our prayer. And without realising it all that much, our prayer becomes dry and impersonal.
In the Classic Biography of St Teresa of Avila by Marcelle Auclair, there is a moment where she meets her uncle. She’s in the early days of her vocation. She’s struggling with her life of prayer and everything really. He gives her a book. This book opens up a whole new panorama in her relationship with Our Lord. It explains the various forms of prayer:
… Vocal prayer, is a petition we make to God to ask him for what is necessary for us.
… The second form of prayer, that is without pronouncing the words with the lips, leaves us free so that our heart alone speaks to Our Lord….
…. The third, which may be termed mental or spiritual, is that in which the highest point of the soul, sustained by love, soars upward toward to God in the purest and most loving way possible on the wings of desire…
We may think that the third type of prayer is really not for us. It is only for a select few. But that is totally untrue. We can all reach higher points in our prayer.
What is the game-changer then? Why am I not able to pray well? Leaving aside the possibility of isolated moments of dryness and darkness that can sometimes happen in our prayer, there are three things than can help alot.
Tip 1 - Absolute Honesty
The different types of prayer that St Teresa read out from that book were also illustrated with an example. The author said:
In short, the first is a letter we send our friend.
In the second way we send him a person who we love as our ambassador.
By the third method we go ourselves…
We need to be totally, resolutely and entirely honest in our mental prayer. We need to really dig deep in our soul and be willing to let Our Lord be there too. We need to be willing to allow Him change us and change our lives.
“Lord, what is it you would like me to do for you?”
Being clinical and safe in our prayer brings us to a dead-end. It consoles us somewhat but it does not transform us. We can be years praying and continuously dipping in and out of honesty or returning to superficiality. Mental prayer is not really an inclined plane but a continuous returning to being truly ourselves with Our Lord. To be willing to allow Him change everything about our life if He so wishes.
Tip 2 - Perseverance come rain or shine
Inconstancy puts any relationship under strain and the same can be said about our relationship with Our Lord. We need to commit.
After a while of committing to prayer, we will realise that it actually makes our life far more fruitful and productive in the long run. It’s not that we pray for that reason, but a half-an-hour of mental prayer morning and afternoon actually enables us to see the day with the eyes of Christ, encounter people with greater love and attention and overall, find purpose and meaning in everything we do.
Without prayer, we may think we gain more time to do the important stuff in our lives. The usual excuse of “I don’t have time” or “The Chapel is really cold” or “I’m not seeing any difference”. But if we decide to ignore our excuses, trust Our Lord and give Him our 100% time and attention in the minutes that we have decided (with the help of our spiritual director), we will see the benefits to our day.
In the last couple of years, alot of high profile influencers have become advocates of meditation. They swear by it. If they, who simply meditate, find it useful, then why wouldn’t we find it helpful for our lives when we have the massive plus of actually meditating in dialogue with Our Lord. What better way to start your day!
Tip 3 - Mind your Senses
We are body and soul, and we pray with our body and soul. For that reason, we need to mind our senses. What I mean by this is that when we go to pray, know how to bring your senses with you in your prayer: your sight, touch, hearing, etc.
To be in a beautiful Chapel in front of the Tabernacle can be a fantastic help but you can also be scattered and distracted in the most sacred of places.
St Josemaria was a big advocate for the “Night Time” and the “Afternoon Time”, which are basically times in your day before you do your mental prayer where you give yourself permission to be more contemplative.
Before you pray, give yourself some time beforehand (maybe an hour or two) to calm the mind, reduce agitation and over-stimulation and aid the body to work with your mind. It’s not about being totally quiet but rather looking for ways to reduce sensory stimulation. For example, it would be hard to be clubbing in a disco, listening to the “Top 10” or scrolling through Instagram Reels and then go straight into a Church and start mental prayer. You would be spending most of your time trying to bring your senses back to calmness.
Wind down a little before doing mental prayer. It will really pay off if you give yourself that digital detox your body needs before spending some time with Our Lord.
Our Lord speaks in quietness and it’s very special when you do have a sincere conversation with Him in the depths of your heart. Know that it is possible!