Keeping your relationships strong post college
“What happens though, when we… you know… leave?!”
What happens when the gals are not next door anymore for the late night dmc’s? What happens if we all go to different places and I don’t have my friends to socialize with? What if my social life becomes limp and lifeless? What happens if I can’t cope with being an adult?
Panic Mode On
Ah change… such a beauty… it’s been so long!
Transition! You’ve been away a while now! How was the holiday?
Anxiety… well, I thought you hadn’t left at all… guess I was wrong!
I was once told just before I entered college, “college is the best years of your life.”
WHAT?
These were probably the best years I did ever have in hindsight but some of the hardest years emotionally! “I’m so stressed!” was a recurring phrase I started to get known for, but didn’t every student?! I couldn’t imagine easing myself into another damn transition.
Coping with personal and location changes
The thing is, when we make the move from college to our next chapter whether its working professionally, travelling or volunteering etc, we change. We change depending on the environment we are going into. We may not have the option to skip classes, get up later, party any night of the week, eat whatever we want, dress whatever way we want. In fact we may need a whole lot of courage and coffee to keep us sane in what is a dramatic change.
Naturally, during this, our friendships and our lifestyle choices change with that. The first year or so can be challenging because no one likes change. We all love to be comfortable and content with what we know. However, these changes and the willingness to go through them can be the best things that we ever do. We learn, we live, we feel good… maybe not during the whole process but it’s a hindsight thing.
Shifting friendships
The next chapter involves a sort of separation from the people you’ve been closest to for the last number of years and can possibly result in you initially being on your own. It’s a challenging thought. It’s hard to grasp. In reality though, this is all just anticipation, trying to experience and live in a future moment that more than likely may not go as planned in your mind. The reality is, these transitions pass by fast. You’re busy. You are planning, preparing, moving, applying, interviewing, researching, and so much more. You are probably more busy now than you ever have been in college.
THIS is what can overshadow and take over those relationships from flourishing even further. Being too busy, or dismissive and not realising it, can be what actually affects your relationships post college. Friendship is something that we all want and is something we can’t afford to lose.
Studies have shown that friendships actually save a lot of people from letting work take over, depression and anxiety. You can feel very alone from being the best in work and the loneliest at home. At this point, if you find yourself here, it’s a moment to ask, what am I doing here? What am I personally getting from this that is fulfilling me wholly?
Swiftly moving on
Regret can feature in this aspect of your focus and you can start to despise your work because it takes away some of your happiness. The girls just don’t seem to understand why you’re never free, your family is a distant memory, and what seems to be the easiest way to ‘chill’ is to scroll through instagram or binge Netflix. Why? Well, because I think I’m in control of how much time that takes up and when I can stop. This is not just an issue for your Netflix-binging alter-ego, it’s a question to ask yourself, are my friendships pressurizing? Do I have much of a say in my friendships? Do I have control for myself in my friendships? Can I spend only 2 hours rather than 6 which stresses me out? Could any of these be the reasons why I’m prioritizing instagram and Netflix over real-life friends?!
Keeping them in the loop
Friendship takes work. You can’t expect your friends to ‘understand’ every single time you can’t meet up because of work. They will give up. It takes two to make it work. We have genuine moments where we can’t make something of course, but prioritizing your friend time can really take the stress away from the worry of maintaining strong friendships. Maybe we can make sure that the things that are moveable in your week doesn’t include this time with our friend or friends. Our energy is stemmed by love and happiness and if we lose that, we lose the potential loves for our life, work and hobbies. Communicate. You’re friends need to understand your life and what your weeks consist of. Maybe then you can work together to make those friendships blossom deeper even in a lesser amount of time.