When God is silent
“There is nothing more like God than silence.” - Meister Eckhart, 14th century Christian mystic
I love silence. There were times in my life when I needed it like the dry ground needs rain. And yet there were other times when silence was a bit more challenging, when I didn’t create as much space for it in my life.
In my early 20s, when I still lived in my native Croatia, I had a special place for prayer in the corner of my room. I would sit in my Grandmother’s rocking chair, turn towards the bookshelf where I had a candle lit, and I would spend time in prayer. It was the most secluded, private part of my room. It helped me enter into the room within my heart, where God was waiting to meet me. My prayer was full of words, initially. I expressed everything that was on my mind and heart to God. Sometimes I would even cry. I did not hide my emotions from God in prayer.
Listening to God in prayer
Eventually, I exhausted all the words, and I started to listen. As I did that, I slowly got used to God’s voice. I cannot recall what were some of the first things He told me, but I do recall His voice being gentle, filled with love. His voice was filling my heart with His presence, showing me that I was loved. Many of us young women have a wound that communicates to us a lie that we are not loved. I was not an exception. As a teenager and in my early 20s, I doubted I was loveable. There was no reason for it, but the doubts of the heart are often much deeper than what reason can reach. Through prayer, this lie started to be washed away, and the truth of God’s love took root in my heart instead. Over time as my prayer changed, parts of me changed as well. I would listen much more in prayer. I asked for guidance and at times simply sat with God, and no words were exchanged from either my or His side.
Jesus told us, “My sheep hear my voice. I know them, and they follow me” (John 10:27). In order to encounter the silence of God, we need to first encounter His voice. It takes time for us to get used to the Lord’s voice. There is so much distraction that takes away our attention, so we need to be intentional about prayer and listening to God. After so many years of listening, there are still occasions where I doubt I heard God correctly, that I discerned His voice properly among all the other voices that seek my attention.
Have you ever had an experience of your prayer being unanswered? At times we pray, we listen, discern, but do not hear. I have met people who felt that God was not hearing their prayer. He was silent. These are difficult experiences to go through. In my case, I could hear His ‘voice’, but His actions at times took years to manifest. His voice was gentle, His actions appeared silent.
Knock - when God was silent
What do we do with the times when God is silent? Knock, the international Eucharistic and Marian shrine in the West of Ireland spoke to me deeply about this mystery when I was there during the August bank holiday this year. The story of Knock goes like this. On a rainy August evening in 1879, 15 people witnessed a heavenly apparition outside the parish Church in Knock. The witnesses were all ordinary people who took part in a very extraordinary event. They saw Our Lady, St. Joseph, and St. John the Evangelist in prayer. These heavenly visitors stood on a side of the altar. The Lamb was standing on the altar, and behind it was a Cross with angels ascending around it. This was a silent apparition. No word was spoken during the two hours that Heaven visited Ireland in Knock.
The parish priest at the time offered hundreds of Masses for the souls in purgatory. Many think it significant that the apparition occurred within one week after the last of these Masses were offered. Not even thirty years before, Ireland went through the potato Famine. People knew of the hard times. And now, after the faithful prayer and suffering, God gave the people of Ireland a heavenly gift. He Himself, the Lamb of God, visited from Heaven. He does so already at every Mass, but this was a unique visitation.
God did not say a word during the apparition in Knock. And yet He spoke more powerfully with His presence, and in the presence of His saints, than words could ever convey. In our lives too, when God says nothing, when He is silent, He is still there. This brought me great comfort. We may not see Him as powerfully as the people of Knock did, but we can be sure that He is near.