The power of empathy
I had a student in my class that constantly slammed her books and bag down when she entered, complained about having to be in school, and responded in a defensive tone to every question. It got to the point where my copious attempts to get through to her wore out and my response was “ok fine, I don’t care either, just be quiet.”
Empathy in Disguise
We’re all getting pretty similar. When we look around, most of us are doing the same things: earning, living, spending, planning etc. The result is an empathy deficit, and it’s at the root of many of our biggest problems. Some reasons could be of how homogeneous people’s social circles have become, and also because humans naturally hold biases.
However, Empathy can be developed.
There are steps people can take to acknowledge their biases and to move beyond their own worldviews to try to understand those held by other people.
What is Empathy?
Empathy is understanding how others feel and being compassionate towards them. It happens when two parts of the brain work together. The emotional centre perceives the feelings of others and the cognitive centre tries to understand why they feel that way and how we can be helpful to them.
The Power of Empathy
Feeling empathetic helps us make connections with others and understand them better. It’s different from having sympathy for someone, which means feel sorry or sad for them. Empathy is feeling someone else’s pain or seeing through their eyes. It’s also a precursor to compassion, which is empathy in action—a commitment to doing something that relieves someone else’s suffering.
Experiencing empathy can make your own life better. Empathy can open your heart, letting in more feelings, but also softening some of the tough experiences. As we build empathy for others, we understand them more and can connect with them differently, which boosts our resilience- the ability to bounce back after challenges.
Back to my student... I started to slowly but surely put up with her presence and focused on the others. When I did so, she responded more and louder. I noticed over time that her goal was to get my attention… for what? I wasn’t so sure. Why would she want my attention when all she did was cause chaos? The classic empathy exercise is a writing prompt: I asked the class to write down 3 things they would wish for if a genie appeared. To my surprise, she completed the exercise and she only had one wish. Her wish was to be able to focus in school without worry. I reluctantly asked her about it, trying to communicate empathy, and she had no problem elaborating. Home was hard, her mam was sick and her dad wasn’t around. She had the weight of the world on her shoulders when she left school and I tried to put myself into her shoes. How would a 15-year-old girl have the time to care about school when there were bigger worries and responsibilities in her life? She still came into class with a temper, but it dissipated much faster. And I noticed that her temper didn’t trigger me as much, that I actually smiled genuinely at her, and that I could authentically say, “It’s nice to see you today.” Her attitude definitely softened and I even got a few smiles out of her.
Empathy is about opening up your heart. It doesn’t always lead people to change their behaviours, and we can’t expect it to. We can only hope that in exploring the rough terrain of empathy within ourselves, we can learn more about others and ourselves.