The perfect procrastinator
I am the perfect procrastinator! In fact, if there was a college degree in procrastinating, I probably would be the head of the faculty. The reality is that when it comes down to it and I’m asked what I do with 50% of my time… it’s some shape or form of procrastination aka “time wasting”, and what’s even more attractive about it is that there are so many forms of it!
Jokes aside though, I want to show you the positive side of procrastination, and I call it procrastination because we use it so lightly with areas of our life that (sorry to burst any bubbles now) are too important to be shoved under the dreaded title.
When I think of the word, I think college, exams, Netflix, Spotify, YOUTUBE (the death of all plans!), and probably the most famous one, staring into space or at a spectacularly white blank wall deep in my thoughts about why I didn’t say that… that would have been a perfect comeback… sound familiar?
“Time that you enjoy wasting is not time wasted.”
That was a quote I heard one day in Mass of all places, and in college (especially) I found it very hard to commit to things that I genuinely enjoyed and it was becoming more and more normal until one day, when I had planned to study in the library, a friend encouraged me to go to a seminar on “Managing Time”... and yes TOTAL PROCRASTINATION.
At the seminar, the speaker gave me this pie-chart activity that challenged me to identify in percentages where and what I was putting my time into over 24 hours, 7 days a week.
I was putting all of my focus into my college work, which is good, my professional work, to support myself, my friends and social media. I spent more time doing these 4 things separately than sleeping. That scared me. Was this my life? Under four boring titles?
The challenge for me was a simple question. Why was I putting in more hours than is required? Why was I focused on certain areas of my life that were fantastic for my career but wreckless for my mental being? It was simple… I had no concept of commitment to myself. I had a deep commitment to wanting to impress my bosses, lecturers, friends. I had a strong commitment to being a good friend, there for others and of service to those around me. I had factored in NO time at all to do what I really enjoyed, because among this strict and work-focused life I was leading, anything outside of that seemed to be a waste of time, and seemed foreign.
Now I’m not saying that I had no fun. I did. But being there for my friends whatever the worry/issue/night out they needed, was fun… right? WRONG! What was I getting out of it? Where was I being comforted and putting myself first?
I say this next statement very cautiously but sometimes, it’s ok to be selfish! It’s ok to put yourself first.
You’ll find that when you factor that time in your week for yourself, that’s when you will discover what you really enjoy. Me-time can be on your own, but it can also be with others! Self-inflicted enjoyment.
I was always so taken aback by my friends who kept up with their sports through college and thereafter. They would strictly not over-eat, under-eat, drink, go out partying too late or have chill days if it meant there was a big game coming up. However, I couldn’t understand it for a while. I was almost scared of this coach that put the fear into them!
I asked my friends what made it so important to them that they sacrificed a lot of college life and experience for it? More often than not the response would be ‘oh it’s 100% the thrill, the energy and excitement you get from a game’... ok, I get that I suppose. How healthy is that though? A lot of young people do this. It’s like anything strict, I had friends who were strict sports player, friends in demanding courses like medicine and law and friends who were managers of large businesses… and they all had a lot in common work-wise, but the biggest common denominator for me was that when they finally had that one-night window to go out, THEY WENT OUT, and it was crazy… drinking more in one night than they had in the last year and a half.
With this stems a real unhealthy relationship with commitment to what holds you back from this temporary fling with your cheap shot glass. What begins is a long, subtle, subconscious loathing of that commitment and anything associated with it. A vicious circle that awakens an eat, work, sleep/eat, work, party regime that destroys any connection you had with yourself. Before you know it, you worry and worry about a number of things, anxiety creeps into your night-time reflection time/overthinking session, and BAM no sleep.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m all about commitment, but like anything, you have to be careful, balanced and open to adaptations and changes within that commitment, because when we get it wrong, we can’t think we failed and take the “that’s it, commitments just not for me” approach. That’s shallow and weak! Yep judgy but true.
Commitment is one of the hardest things we’ll have to endure in life, but it’s experience, and experience shapes who we are and it’s always worth it.
What do YOU put your time into?
Be careful with what you put your time into, because it shapes us and who we really are.