Am I too controlling in my spiritual life?
Control freak! Me? Never!
No one likes to be a control freak and let’s face it, being a freak in anything is never a compliment. But I think we all have it in us to a greater or lesser degree, especially in this day and age when everything is down to our choosing and speedy gratification. Who can blame us?
That said, when it comes to our spiritual life, being controlling doesn’t help our spiritual growth. Because the Spirit blows where it wills (John 3:8), and He needs breathing space and scope in our lives to be with us. And for that, we need to give up on trying to have things too perfect. Spiritual life and messiness kind of go hand-in-hand, much to our annoyance sometimes.
Give us this day our daily bread
When we pray the Our Father, we say “give us this day our daily bread”. This petition is a good antidote to control. Because when we are controlling in our spiritual life, we want all our ducks lined up in order. What I mean by that is that we like to know what’s happening today, tomorrow, next week, next month, and so on. We don’t like surprises that can upset our plans. Having the blinkers on like this closes the possibility of opportunities that can come our way. We need to be on the look out and have our ear to the ground for possible inklings of the Holy Spirit. Be open to the Holy Spirit. Where does He need you now?
Self-sufficiency
Another aspect of control is thinking we know what is best for us. We don’t like been given advice and tend to stay within the parameters of safety. Being out of our comfort zone (or safety zone) is an uncomfortable and fearful experience. But like all “zones”, the more you obey the boundaries the stronger they become and the weaker you become. We were born for great things. Don’t be afraid to stretch yourself, and step into unknown territory in your spiritual life. Find a person that can give you sound spiritual guidance (someone with pastoral experience) and seek good advice to truly grow in your spiritual life. Read spiritual books that challenge you and call for a generous spirit of service.
“Don't flutter about like a hen, when you can soar to the heights of an eagle.”- St Josemaría Escrivá
Giving into Discouragement
“Discouragement is lack of humility”. That’s what many spiritual writers will tell you and every time you read it, it never fails to annoy you to read it again! “On top of it, I’m not even humble”. But yeah, unfortunately, discouragement in our spiritual life is a sign of a lack of humility. When we give in to discouragement, we think – mistakenly – that it’s all down to me to excel in my life. We don’t trust God. Trusting means entrusting. We need to entrust our lives to God and when we’re controlling, we don’t like that, so we’d prefer to wallow in our faults then pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off and run into the arms of our Father God. It’s so silly, isn’t it? When we fall into a pit and then proceed to stay in it to prove to God that we’re not up to scratch, wallowing in our little pitiful self (I wonder if pit comes from that?).
When you get discouraged, the short and sweet answer to this is (unfortunately!) – to snap out of it.
Sorry!
The more you do this quick turnaround, the easier it will get. You mightn’t feel totally back to your great self, but refusing to give into discouragement means trusting more on his Grace, rather than on your efforts. It’s very comforting and much more pleasant to lean on Him than feeling sorry for yourself!
“My Grace is sufficient for You, for My Power is made perfect in Weakness”.
In St Faustina’s diary, she wrote:
[Jesus said]: “My daughter, do not pay so much attention to the vessel of grace as to the grace itself which I give you, because you are not always pleased with the vessel, and then the graces, too, become deficient. I want to guard you from that, and I want you never to pay attention to the vessel in which I send you My grace. Let all the attention of your soul be concentrated on responding to My grace as faithfully as possible.”
Don’t get caught up in circumstances, difficulties, your limitations and whatever holds you back from running into the arms of your Father God. Control has some consolation but like all habits of protection, we hold tightly to them as our life raft, rather than stepping out of the boat – like Peter – and walking resolutely towards Our Lord.