The opposite of love: indifference
In starting to write this blog which was supposed to be on some sort of self-care which I was so uninspired about, I was listening to “Stubborn Love” by The Lumineers. Whilst listening, I came across one of my favourite lines that stuck with me.
It’s better to feel pain than nothing at all, the opposite of love’s indifference.
I have always loved this song because of it’s raw truths and authenticity in its lyrics. It explores the loves and struggles of the good and bad in life, how suffering can be healthy and unhealthy and how our mindsets will pave the way for our fates. Before this song and my contemplative thoughts on it, I used to think that hate was the opposite of love. Why? Well this is what we learn. From the past, the present and plans for the future, from war, from protests, from “fighting for peace” (which is an ironic statement). We learn to be tough, to reciprocate the treatment we receive and more, in order to be superior. To be indifferent means that you have no emotion, no life, no love, no interest in something which another may base their life on by 'loving' it.
Elie Wiesel, a Holocaust survivor and Nobel prize-winning peace activist wrote:
The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.
Indifference is at the heart of human suffering. It is a lack of concern or a refusal to act in the face of injustice. St. Maximilian Kolbe, who was executed by the Nazis in 1941, after having offered his own life to save another condemned prisoner, described indifference as “the most deadly poison of our times.” As he demonstrated, it is a lack of concern or a refusal to act in the face of injustice.
To absolutely take the seriousness out of this blog post, Taylor Swift has a healthy attitude to indifference in her song “I Forgot That You Existed.” So she develops the concept by saying that this broken-down relationship that played on her mind, her emotions, her feelings and her actions for so long became a feeling of indifference rather than hate or anger.
It isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference.
A realisation that she no longer needed to dwell on the events that caused her emotions to spiral. She no longer cared. She had suffered and now she had found peace and love in something else which resulted in indifference toward that relationship.
More often than not, our indifference is rooted in comfort or complacency and a sense that “I shouldn’t get involved” or “It isn’t my business.” These attitudes allow injustice, abuse, and neglect to develop. However, there are things worth living for, suffering for and dying for. This is why the question of the Cuban poet José Martí- “When others are weeping blood, what right do I have to weep tears?” begged me to think “What is the value of a life that is lived without anything worth dying for?”
This truth inspired the spiritual master Henri Nouwen to offer this reflection in his book, “The Road to Daybreak”:
“There is melancholy, but also peaceful acceptance. There is insight into the fickleness of the human heart, and also immense compassion. There is a deep awareness of the unspeakable pain to be suffered, but also a strong determination to do God’s will. Above all, there is love, an endless, deep, and far-reaching love born from an unbreakable intimacy with God and reaching out to all people, wherever they are, were, or will be. There is nothing that he does not fully know. There is nobody whom he does not fully love.”
Indifference challenges us to envision a life in which rather than going from mistake to mistake, we take responsibility for our indifference, our self-preference to become free to grow in love and our care about what we do to others, to the world, and to our own bodies, psyches, and souls.
Indifference can be the most heart-wrenching, soul-warping, mind-numbing, emotional and bodily corruption. It can also be the healthiest, most uplifting and soul nourishing concept of all depending on how it is used and in what situations. The aggravation, displeasure, anguish, and pain we may feel if we open our hearts and pay attention to what is happening in and to the world around us are the only real antidotes to indifference because those feelings should call us to action.