Chasing happiness
For the most part, society is set up to teach us from a young age that happiness is found in the future. We will be happy when we complete the Leaving Certificate, school will be all worth it. When we graduate from college and get our degree we will be happy. When we finally become successful with our careers or the day when we get married and settle down with the perfect partner. These can come in any exterior factors of our choice or maybe we have chosen to believe material objects will bring us happiness. The expensive car that we are saving up for will make us happy or maybe it is the new watch that attracts us. We are taught that happiness is a pursuit. It seems to be something to obtain or chase. If we whittle it down, these examples are moments of fleeting satisfaction and that's if we ever experience them.
This pursuit of happiness projects us into the future. This illusion that happiness lies in the future creates this tension with what is happening at present. It takes away from appreciating the now. Over the years, I have undertaken my own pursuit of happiness. I have read my share of self-help books thinking that if I was a better version of myself I would be happier. I have gone on a pilgrimage thinking that maybe after walking hundreds of kilometres, I would become a more enlightened human and by default, happier. I have changed hair colour, bought stylish outfits, saved up for expensive items of clothing thinking maybe those would make me happier. I have moved to foreign countries, thinking I would live my ‘best life’ meeting new people and integrating myself into a new culture. I have jumped on the gym bandwagon thinking I would become happier if I was fitter and looked better. Don’t get me wrong, I gained a lot from these experiences. I became more knowledgeable, more stylish, more enlightened, fitter and slightly more cultured. However, none made me truly happy. Yes, I had moments of fleeting happiness but not true happiness. These experiences were either an endeavour, a goal to achieve or an illusion of a better future.
At the beginning of the year, I decided to move abroad to Holland. I was excited yet looking back again it was part of an illusion. This illusion was that I would be living my ‘best life’ abroad. I would live independently, I would learn Dutch and I would experience a new world. When the pandemic hit, the bubble had burst and I decided to come home. Covid- 19 had sent me home which previously I matched to ‘unhappiness’ because happiness lay in this new adventure for me. I would soon realise how untrue this actually was.
The pandemic gave me a perspective that I had lost or forgot to look for. It reminded me that happiness is not a pursuit but happiness is now. Happiness is found in living for the now. It is not future success or gathering new shiny objects. Everything came to a halt during this time to mention only a few: jobs, future plans, holidays, dreams abroad. It forced me to be present. I compare this to going for a walk. It starts with you struggling to get out and eventually decide to go for a walk. You are focused on getting the walk over and done with, thinking how much longer it will take to get to your destination. However then you trip and need to sit down and so you stop at a bench. You finally stop to look around. You begin to notice the leaves falling from the trees while a squirrel runs up the trunk of one of them. You notice how clear the sky is and the wonderful weather. You are present and suddenly you become grateful for all that is around you. Although I would have not wanted for this pandemic, it forced me to stop. It forced me to stop, look around and become utterly present.
I gained a perspective that I had lost. True happiness is in the present. I have gained a daily routine for practising gratitude. The health of my family and I, the friends that I have, Covid routines of making banana bread with my little sisters or struggling through a home workout with my siblings to mention a few. These moments of utter presence are happiness for me. Happiness will never be found in the future, it is being in the now. I choose to be present and happy now. A quote that has stuck with me during this time is ‘if not now, when?’
I choose to be happy today and not waste a lifetime chasing it.