Is it ever ok to give up?
“Never give up”... “Don’t quit now”... These are just some of the mantras we’ve all been told tonnes of times. Moreover, inspirational stories can be added on where there’s an original failure who tried and tried again, wanted to give up multiple times and kept going and BAM… they did it!
Ahh perseverance… oh how we have romanticised you!
Perseverance is a fantastic quality. It’s no wonder we romanticise it. Without it, inventions, success stories, amazing ideas would never exist if we just gave up everytime that we try something. You have to keep going.
Sometimes though, giving up is the answer and is exactly what is needed. We are taught to persevere no matter what, but sometimes that perseverance — that unwillingness or inability to let go — keeps us from moving forward, from finding happiness, from adapting to the curve balls that life throws our way.
Giving up doesn’t always make you a bad person or failure. Sometimes giving up means that you are someone who is mature enough to know when to cut your losses and move on, to protect your mental health, someone who is willing to take the risk of changing paths.
Only you can ask yourself the tough questions about your current life path, but here are some times it is absolutely OK, and most likely a sign, to give up:
When you know in your heart that it’s not going to work out
We’ve all felt it… the reality that some dreams just don’t come true. We are all completely different and we all have different wants and needs. Some relationships will never be healthy. There will be times when you are not loved in the way that you need to be loved. That’s just life. When this happens, ask yourself if this is honestly something that can be resolved. Do you see a resolution? If not, it’s time to let go and move on.
When you don’t want that thing anymore
There are things or concepts that we grow up wanting. We might say “well of course I want this, I always have…” Sit back and really ask yourself if you in the present moment still want that as much as you once did. Does that dream still speak to you in a deep way? Or are you simply going through the motions? Many people who suffer from different disorders in later life have gone through the motions and not actually stretched their mindsets when the brain is in its final stages of growth.
When pursuing your goal is making you really unhappy
Although having dreams is great, it’s very easy to miss out on the great daily happenings that we push past to get to the goal. Being happy in the process of pursuing that goal is very important. There are a lot of clichés out there that say “It’s about the journey, not the destination,” and they are clichés for a reason. If your journey is making you miserable, the destination isn’t worth it.
When the only reason you haven’t given up already is because you’re worried about what other people will think
Do you ever find yourself in a situation where the last thing you want to do is ponder on the idea of giving up? If so, a question to ask here is why? What is so scary about giving up? Is it mainly that you fear you will let others down? You can’t sacrifice your life to make other people happy. Let other people take care of themselves, and do whatever you need to do to find happiness.
When the only reason you’re sticking with it is because you don’t know who you are without it
When you’ve been striving for a dream or working to sustain a relationship for years and years, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are outside of that pursuit or that relationship. The idea of giving up on something you’ve held so close to you can be terrifying. After all, who are you if you’re not with that person or pursuing that ambition? You have to remind yourself that you are a full person, no matter what decisions you make. If you give up, you will feel a loss at first, but, eventually, new desires and new relationships will come in to fill that empty space.
When pursuing this path is preventing you from being happier
Life is a weird but fabulous thing with lots of twists and turns. If you are someone who will stick with what you know and that is keeping you from other possibilities that life has to offer, then you should reflect on growth and challenge yourself. Our goals can be altered and even changed. If you are finding happiness unexpectedly somewhere that was not part of your plans, it’s ok to divert!
When your inability to accomplish your goal is making you hate yourself
If trying to accomplish your dream makes you feel like a failure, or fills you with shame because you can’t make it happen, then it’s time to stop. You are only human.
When the idea of giving up gives you utter relief
When contemplating giving something up, do you feel a profound sense of relief? Take that response seriously. If, after stripping away all of the worry and anxiety that comes with any major life change, all that you feel is an enormous weight lifting off your shoulders, there’s your answer. Sometimes giving up is the best life decision you can make.
Important Footnote to this Blog post: By considering this topic of perservance and the consideration of giving up when needs must, we do not want to undermine the importance of loyalty to our commitments. Virtue by definition is the “habitual and firm disposition to do good” (CCC) Sometimes doing good means letting go, but that is something each of us needs to decide, always with the help and guidance of someone or some people who can give us sound advice (Beloved Team).